• Big Day for the USA!

    August 7, 2012

    Posted in: Democracy, Embassy/State

    Oh yeah, Olympics, Michael Phelps, that gymnast kid beat Voldemort for the gold, blah blah blah.

    I’m talking history. August 6 was a big day for all the things that really seem to matter for America. Of course, the biggest news was first, as August 6 was the 67th anniversary of the Hiroshima bombing. We killed 140,000 non-Whites that day my friends, still something of a record. The Good War. Suck on yer lazy Second Amendment peashooters and pop guns, Daddy uses nukes for Daddy stuff.

    Closer to home yesterday, we celebrated our First Amendment Freedom of Religion through the burning down of a mosque in southwest Missouri, the second Islamic center to go to the torch in little more than a month. Get some!

    Moving on to the Fourteenth and Fifteenth Amendments, a mostly white church in Mississippi that sparked outrage for refusing to marry a black couple in its chapel has issued an apology. In a statement, First Baptist Church of Crystal Springs said it never should have asked the couple (they weren’t gay ya’all, just black, which used to be just as bad) to relocate their ceremony. The couple had been told their wedding plans made some congregants “uncomfortable” at the church. Just like Jesus FTW!

    And of course, how can we leave the day undone without mentioning the latest (at least as I write this; check the news in case there is another one) mass shooting in the US (whatever, another First Amendment one), the killing of six Sikhs in Wisconsin by yet another disaffected angry White guy with weapons. Sikhs have been whacked around in the US pretty frequently, but mostly by idiotic racist Americans who thought they were Arabs. Focus racists, focus!

    The current Sikh killing incident involved some foreigners getting gunned down, so the State Department had to explain to the Indian government what a hopelessly messed up and egregiously violent place America is.

    “That this senseless act of violence should be targeted at a place of religious worship is particularly painful,” one Indian official said. “The U.S. government will have to take a comprehensive look at this kind of tendency which certainly is not going to bring credit to the United States of America,” said another in what was likely that cute accent like the guy on The Simpsons.

    In reply, State Department spokesdrone Patrick Ventrell said at Monday’s press briefing, “Our hearts go out to the victims, their families, and the Sikh community. Religious freedom and religious tolerance are fundamental pillars of American society,” before throwing up a little in his mouth.

    (An aide was summoned to wipe away the vomitus)

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