• Here’s What it Costs to Invite Hillary Clinton Over

    September 8, 2014

    Tags: ,
    Posted in: Democracy

    Want to have Hillary Clinton show up at your next event? Kid’s birthday party? Political rally? It’s easy, as long as you have a lot of freaking money to spend.

    A ‘found” document posted on Cryptome.org lays out the terms for Hillary to attend your event.

    Non-Negotiable Conditions

    Right up front is Hillary’s most important term: a fee of $225,000. We are all familiar with the economic travails of the Clinton’s, and the fee is really important to Hillary’s integrity as a woman of the people and, need you need reminding, her role as a mother and soon-to-be grandmother.

    The fee of course is just the start. Like with cell phone plans and cable TV, the up-front price is only a starting point. Hillary also requires you to pay for a roundtrip private jet for her, which must be a Gulfstream 450 or larger. Clinton’s “travel aide” flies separately (can’t get too familiar with the help you know) first class. Her two required advance staffers need you to pay for two business class tickets. On Team Hillary, some pigs are more equal than others.

    You’ll shell out for ground transportation for the whole crew as well. Though the details are not specified, expect it to be more than SuperShuttle’s blue van.

    Same for the hotel rooms you will pay for. Madame requires a Presidential Suite (ironic!) while her dear travel aide needs three adjoining rooms. The lowly advance people get only single rooms. Perhaps to make up for that, you will also pay a $500 fee for “incidentals,” apparently to include buying out the minibar at that rate, to the advance lead.

    Everybody has to eat, and your toll to invite Hillary over also means you pay for everyone’s meals. You’re also responsible for their phone bills and cell phone costs.

    Paranoid much? As host you will also pay $1000 for a court-reporter type person to transcript Hillary’s speech. The text is apparently only for her upcoming presidential library, as the terms sheet says they will not share a copy.

    The Event Itself

    What do you get for these costs? About 90 minutes of Hillary’s precious time, broken down by her rules:

    — A 30 minute meet and greet, but no more than 100 people and no more than 50 photos total.

    — A 20 minute speech.

    — Big one here: a full hour of Q&A, moderated of course.

    — Clinton does not/not have meals with you.

    It is specified that the meet and greet take place close to the speech area, and that the three segments be continuous so as not to take any more of the lady’s time than really necessary. Clinton must approve the person who introduces her, and the moderator.

    That moderator person is quite important. S/he will pose all questions, so that there will be no naughtiness from the audience.

    A Rough Tally

    So let’s put some numbers to all this. We’ll assume dearest Hils is departing from Washington DC for an event in Denver, with a one night stay. Here are some rough numbers based on web searches.

    Fee $225,000
    Private Jet $52,000, round-trip
    First Class Ticket for Travel Aide, round-trip $800
    Business Class Ticket, x 2, round-trip $1400
    Limo Service Two days x two cars x $500/day $2000 (includes free wet bar!)
    Travel Advance Incidentals $500
    Meals, based on USG per diem rate, total $1860
    Phone Bills, est. $250
    Hotel, Best Suite, one night $756
    Hotel, three adjoining rooms, one night $1145
    Hotel, two singles x three days, one night $1654
    Stenographer $1000
    Colorado State Tax on all of the above, est. 4.49% $12,947.58

    TOTAL $301,312.58

    Is it Worth It?

    Understand that that $301,312.58 for 90 minutes of Hillary’s time is just an estimate; she might hit the minibar hard, even with the free wet bar in the limo. There are no specified charges for internet access, candy or paper clips and staplers. It is highly unlikely that she or her staff will be content with only the standard U.S. government per diem rates for their meals (Congresspersons traveled abroad on “official business” routinely get double per diem.)

    On the other hand, you might be able to negotiate some deep discounts based on the amount of your purchases. For example, the hotel rates quoted above are “best web prices.” You could go through Expedia, or maybe even get the hotel to apply the U.S. Government Employee discount rates, given how Hillary will soon be president and all.

    And you do get 90 full minutes of Clinton’s time. That all works out to about $3347.91 per minute. By comparison, a high-class hooker in Denver, according to the internet, runs about $425 (link NSFW) for the same time. You can get a professional clown for your kid’s birthday party for about $200, even less if you choose one of the really creepy ones. I could not find rates for clown hookers.

    So you be the judge. And bring money.



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    Copyright © 2019. All rights reserved. The views expressed here are solely those of the author(s) in their private capacity.

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  • Recent Comments

    • Rich Bauer said...

      1

      You forgot to include the cost of your job as Hillary’s personal beaver cleaver.

      09/8/14 2:35 PM | Comment Link

    • wemeantwell said...

      2

      It’s a volunteer position. You gotta give back.

      09/8/14 2:38 PM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      3

      “… the fee is really important to Hillary’s integrity as a woman of the people.”

      And I thought this was the most laughable item on the Web today.:

      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/divorce-over-sex-_n_5767148.html

      09/8/14 2:38 PM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      4

      This item was a close third:

      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/08/wealth-gap_n_5783550.html

      Them Harvard guys is pure genius.

      09/8/14 2:42 PM | Comment Link

    • pitchfork said...

      5

      Rich said:
      “And I thought this was the most laughable item on the Web today.: ”

      I thought this was…

      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1117937/Hilarious-Spider-Dog-prank-simultaneously-spooky-cute.html

      quote”And you do get 90 full minutes of Clinton’s time. That all works out to about $3347.91 per minute.”unquote

      So, say about 100 words per minute, that breaks down to about $33.48 per word. Given 90 minutes..that’s about 9,000 words.

      Anyone who would pay this absurd amount of money to hear Clinton say 9000 words DESERVES the torture. Not to mention a fleecing.

      bartender..give me a bottle of TwoRollingEyes..

      I propose a toast. Here’s to Barnum’s infamous proverb. Clinton’s suckers are living proof.

      09/8/14 3:19 PM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      6

      09/8/14 7:52 PM | Comment Link

    • The Price For Hillary Clinton--$300,00 For A Meeting? said...

      7

      […] reminding, her role as a mother and soon-to-be grandmother. After the fee, you’ll need to pay Hillary for her expenses to reach you: a private jet for her, first-class tickets for her staffers, a Presidential Suite, […]

      09/8/14 8:51 PM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      8

      Thanks Peter- I’m sending the link to everyone I know since we all need some laughs. But damn, now I feel compelled to find out the going rate for a hooker who has trained with Barnum and Bailey. I’ll get back to you if I can get a figure.

      09/9/14 11:53 AM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      9

      Peter- I read the entire contract. Taping- an old school term was used. I doubt people show up with an old Beta video recorder on their shoulder to “capture” the event.
      Digital encoding might be a better term to show that Hillary is up to date.

      09/9/14 12:23 PM | Comment Link

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