Well, to be honest, it was just one email, but it says much about the quality of law-abiding American who thinks it is perfectly righteous to gun down some smart-mouthed punk in a McDonald’s. Out of pity more than anything else, I’ll omit the sender’s email address, though quite appropriately it was sent from an AOL.com account and no doubt typed on an aging Windows 95 system. Here’s the email in its entirety:
Gee you are certainly an objective source of information.
It appears that you are so full of fecal material that it is flowing out of your auditory canals.
Translation: You are so full of Sh*t that it’s coming out of your ears.
You obviously have some sort of axe to grind.
This is poetry. Note the attempt at sarcasm to lead off– “Gee you are certainly an objective source of information” which is hilarious because see, it isn’t really true.
Then the body, using repetition signaled by the clever transitional device of employing the word Translation. Symbolically, this could stand in for the gap between the rough-and-tumble world of law enforcement, where gun fights in fast food restaurants are necessary, and the soft-handed world of the blogger, where the only violence visited is the occasional incorrect punctuation,
And finally, as a jarring conclusion, the zinger of a cliche dropping some knowledge on you. See, it all meant something.
Thank you, dear reader, for this holiday season gift. And hey officer, time to back away from the word processor. Those donuts aren’t going to eat themselves you know!
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