Help Your Country, Win Valuable Prizes

June 20, 2011

Tags: Colbert, Gary Busey, LA
Posted in: Democracy, Embassy/State, Iraq

In Peter’s book, one pervasive theme is the incredible amount of money that was wasted in Iraq; one chapter is entitled “Money and our Meth Habit,” and compares the waste he saw around him as a PRT Team Leader with the dope budget for Guns n’ Roses.

Among the more celebrated pissing away of cash episodes is the unsolved mystery of what happened to the $6.6 billion dollars the US Government lost in Iraq (some put the total missing as high as $18 billion).

After the March 2003 invasion, the Bush administration flooded the conquered country with cash to pay for reconstruction. Altogether between March 2003 and May 2004 $12 billion in cash was airlifted into Iraq. Pentagon officials determined that one giant C-130 Hercules cargo plane could carry $2.4 billion in shrink-wrapped bricks of $100 bills. Along the way, $6.6 billion was lost. Can’t be found, Unaccounted for. Gone.

Let’s take a second to figure out how much money $6.6 billion is. To begin with, it is about three entire fucking airplanes full of hundred dollar bills. The LA Times says it is enough money to run the Los Angeles Unified School District for a year. You can buy more than 20,000 Rolls Royce’s with that money (your cost may vary, dealer tax and prep applies).

Anyway, the money is gone and we have to find it, citizens.

This website hereby officially requests you to send in clues as to where the money is now located. You can stay anonymous, or, if you include your name, we will offer the following valuable prizes to the best clue:

— A free copy of WE MEANT WELL, plus author Peter Van Buren will call you and personally apologize for the parts that are not really that funny.

— Bloggeteer Jason, as part of a younger demographic (though Jason is a real person, he is not a gay girl in Damascus), will give up one of his private “stash” of now-rare Four Lokos, if you are old enough and physically attractive.

We also have feelers out to Gary Busey’s people, and hear Gary may donate some socks. We asked people near the subway for money, and will also throw in the $3.58 we got, plus the one Canadian coin (a “shilling”).

If you are famous or clever and want to donate a prize, you can write to us about that also. Don’t back down Colbert, we know you weren’t that drunk when you promised.

Send your clues to info@wemeantwell.com. Do not include the word “Viagra” in the subject line, and don’t type in ALL CAPS LIKE YOUR MOTHER. Offer void if it gets us in trouble.

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