South Park: Iraq to Control Which Armed Mercs are Allowed In

Cartman: Those bastards! Those damn Iraqis are now trying to control which armed thugs the World’s Largest Embassy (c) and other foreigners are allowed to bring in to Iraq!

Kyle: No way dude!

Cartman: Way. See, like any other sovereign nation, Iraq is gonna start demanding that dudes who want to come live, work and carry weapons to potentially shoot Iraqis down dead have permission to enter Iraq– that’s called a visa, dumbass.

Kyle:Your mother’s a dumbass Cartman.

Cartman: Perhaps, perhaps, but she’s doesn’t wipe Iraqi refugee ass like your Mom, Kyle.

Kyle: That’s her volunteer work, goddammit.

Kenny: Mmm, mmm.

Kyle: No Kenny, you can’t help her.

Cartman: Anyway, as I was saying, before this the US could bring any thug they wanted in to Iraq, like in the Dirty Dozen movie.

Kyle: That was awesome! Lee Marvin kicked Nazi ass dude!

Cartman: My friends at the State Department– I’m an important person there– just announced everyone now needs a visa to enter Iraq. No more free passes, even if you fly in on the State Department’s own private airplanes. They don’t roll commercial, you see. Like Snoop sez, it’s not a luxury when you really want it.

Kyle: No way, they have their own planes? Like helicopters and shit?

Cartman: Yes, Kyle, they do. They have armed helicopters. My Mom told me because the day it was announced inside State it appeared hours later in Al Kamen’s column in the Washington Post.

Stan: So wait a minute guys–

Cartman: Shut up Stan, I’m talking about super cool armed helicopters–

Stan: No Cartman, you ass, you wait. So if the Iraqis insist on visas, then… the Iraqis can control who enters their country. That means if they don’t want 5,500 armed mercs driving around Baghdad as “diplomats,” they can just say no? Like Japan, or Brazil or Kenya, or everywhere else on earth where the US doesn’t have its own private Embassy army operating outside of any law?

(A loud crash is heard, the boys are engulfed in flames)

Kyle: Oh no, a State Department airplane just crashed!

Cartman: You bastards! You killed Kenny!



Next: Beavis and Butthead visit Baghdad…




Related Articles:




Copyright © 2020. All rights reserved. The views expressed here are solely those of the author(s) in their private capacity.

4 Comments

  • Actually, every security contractor in Iraq had to get visa to come to Iraq. It has been that way for a long time. I don’t understand why you are calling them “thugs”. All of the DoS security contractors are former military with extensive combat experience, with secret clearances. That means they didn’t have any criminal history.

  • MattieB on said:

    The families of the seventeen civilians murdered by Blackwater contractors in the Nisour Square incident might view this differently.

  • There is a long history of contractors engaging in illegal, criminal, or immoral behavior. No, of course not all, but enough to earn them the title of “Thug.”

  • Often crude pop culture says what more erudite sources often miss in their fine morass of analysis.

    Spot-on, dude (sadly).

Post a new comment

Your email will not be published.
Submitting comment...