• A Child’s Glossary for the War of Terror

    May 30, 2012

    Tags: , ,
    Posted in: Afghanistan, Democracy, Iran, Iraq, Military

    Learning is fun! and knowing how to understand grownup language in the War of Terror is a duty for all children, just as it is important to brush your teeth each evening and report suspicious activity by your parents. Your Government wants you to do these things so it can protect you from scary terrorists.

    Bad men (many are gay– ask dad to explain) and women (most have had abortions) in the “media” will try and hurt your mind with words. You have to be strong to fight back against this “word terrorism.” We’ll help!

    People killed by US Drones = Militants or Terrorists (suspected terrorist is OK if liberal media, for now)

    People killed by Terrorists = Innocent Victims

    Innocent Victims Killed by US Drones = Accidents, Suspected Terrorist or Collateral Damage

    Innocent Victims Killed by Terrorists = Innocent Victims

    Bad Terrorists = Enemies, Mad Dogs

    Good Terrorists = Freedom Fighters (need help determining who is who? The State Department keeps a list of terrorist organizations. Check back frequently on the status of MEK.)

    Afghan Soldiers Who Kill American Soldiers = Terrorists wearing Afghan Army uniforms

    Iraqi Police Who Killed American Soldiers = Terrorists wearing Iraqi Police uniforms

    American Soldiers Who Sacrifice Themselves = Heroes

    Terrorists Who Sacrifice Themselves = Fanatics

    Powerful Belief in God = Righteous City on a Hill

    Powerful Belief in Allah = Fanatic

    People Who Touch Your Private Parts in the Airport = TSA Patriots

    People Who Touch Your Private Parts at School = Pedophiles

    Empowering Women in America = Socialism

    Empowering Women in Afghanistan = Foreign Policy

    Killing People in Yemen = Defending America

    Killing People in US = Terrorism

    Massacre in Afghanistan = Random act of deranged individual soldier

    Massacre in Syria = Proof of whatever it is we think is wrong in Syria

    Weapons for One Side = Dangerous Escalation

    Weapons for the Other Side = Freedom

    Illegal Prisons, Wiretapping, Torture = Bush

    Illegal Prisons, Wiretapping, Torture = Obama

    And a few bonus items kids:

    Reasons Ambassadors and General Quit Early = Spend more time with family, health, give back to society

    “Militant” = all military-age males we kill

    America’s Most Important Foreign Policy Objective = Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, aw, just remember “We Have Always Been at War with Eastasia.”

    If you’re caught unaware of the right answer to a hard, hard question, just remember “If we do it, it is right and if they do it, it is wrong.” You’ll be right every time, just like America!

    BONUS: For those who think this is satire, much of Obama’s “success limiting civilian deaths in drone strikes is, in part, due to a disputed method for counting civilian casualties embraced by Obama. According to the New York Times, the White House considers ‘all military-age males in a strike zone as combatants … unless there is explicit intelligence posthumously proving them innocent.'” Hah, because dead men tell no tales.

    We’ve come full circle now in America. The Obama policy is nearly identical to tying a suspected witch to a stone and throwing her in the river. If she drowned, then the old Salem inquisitors had their “posthumous proof” that she wasn’t a witch.




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  • Recent Comments

    • David Macadam said...

      1

      The idea of a coloring book is inspired. The child is thus invited to color in the towers, give GW some blusher, and spatter gory red blood all over everywhere when you get to OBL being shot infront of his wife and children. “Oh look Mommy look at all the blood I colored in on this one…”

      It revels in the slaughter, glories in the destruction and simply howls its adulation of killing OBL. Its a sick read and a rather stupid book.

      05/30/12 4:57 PM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      2

      Goes to show you can take the boy out of Kenya but…
      http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8119201.stm

      05/31/12 1:27 AM | Comment Link

    • jo6pac said...

      3

      Thanks for the list now I’ll be able to understand the double talk;)

      05/31/12 4:15 AM | Comment Link

    • More Americans Killed by Bees and Wasps or Falling Televisions than by Terrorists « The Jeenyus Corner said...

      4

      […] A Child’s Glossary for the War of Terror (wemeantwell.com) […]

      06/11/12 2:23 AM | Comment Link

    • humor: Winning Political Arguments « power of language blog: partnering with reality by JR Fibonacci said...

      5

      […] A Child’s Glossary for the War of Terror (wemeantwell.com) […]

      06/17/12 3:07 AM | Comment Link

    • Juan said...

      6

      I just love the “news”. First (yesterday?) we had the Syrians running off at the mouth. I think maybe they were blnmaig Israel. Then we have an anonymous leak from the U.S. claiming we did it, then more blather from (probably) the same batch of Syrian thugs, and lastly an offical “no comment” from the U.S.One of my (least) favorite things about news media is the old “critics charge” business. Never mind whether the “critic” has any standing, or whether there is any merit to their charges, they are running their mouth so it must be reported.

      06/26/12 7:46 PM | Comment Link

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