• BREAKING: John Kerry Proclaims End to “Monroe Doctrine” Not Relevant for 100 Years Anyway

    November 20, 2013

    Tags: ,
    Posted in: Embassy/State

    Remember back in 8th grade U.S. History with Mr. O’Neil, the alcoholic football coach who had to teach at least one class to stay on the payroll? He taught you about the Monroe Doctrine (go ahead and check Wikipedia if you have to, but this is gonna be on the test people I kid you not. Bueller, are you paying attention?!?)

    The Monroe Doctrine was an early spasm of empire by the U.S., declaring, just ’cause it could, that Europeans could no longer create colonies in Central and South America. Those areas, as of 1823, would be exclusively America’s turf to conquer, control, exploit. The U.S. did this conquering, controlling and exploiting with great gusto, from essentially annexing all of Central America using Marines, to overthrowing various South American governments and installing U.S. puppets who maintained control by torturing and repressing their own people. It was all a rich tapestry of murder and slime, kind of like what happened to the Native Americans but with a Doctrine.

    Nobody in America but 8th grade U.S. History teachers has given a crap about the Monroe Doctrine for the last 100 years. Down south, however, they do remember how sick it was that the U.S. just announced it was conquering Central and South America. It’s in their history classes too, with a different spin.

    FYI: The Europeans have not recently been doing much colonizing in Central and South America.

    A Genuine Capacity for Mediocrity

    None of that mattered, as “America’s Own,” Secretary of State John Kerry, strained to make headlines recently by declaring “that the Monroe Doctrine, a nearly 200-year-old policy which had governed Washington’s relations with Latin America, was finally dead.”

    In a previous piece we noted that in his nine months as secretary of state, Kerry, the man, has shown a genuine capacity for mediocrity and an almost tragicomic haplessness. Why would he do something as pointless as pronounce a self-proclaimed imperialistic doctrine that has not been relevant for like 100 years now dead? Kerry might as well be talking about the Stamp Act, or the Whiskey Rebellion (dammit, if you need to look those up too, do it yourself. Jeez, they were on the SAT.)

    To understand Kerry, you need to understand the State Department he works for.

    State is a wholly insular organization. State has devolved into nothing more than America’s increasingly irrelevant concierge abroad as foreign policy moves into the NSC and/or the Pentagon. State continues to turn inward. When no one in Washington really gives a rat’s behind about what State “reports” from “the field” via its “cables,” State just doubles-down and spends its time praising itself. “Nice think-piece cable on widows in Morocco Smithers– I heard the Deputy Assistant Secretary scanned the summary. Kudos my good man!” Yes, State still uses words like kudos. Go look that up too.

    Viva Senor Kerry!

    So in the minds at State, it worked like this. Between the long legacy of evil actions by the U.S., the Snowden revelations that the NSA spies on everyone everywhere in Central and South America, U.S. bullying of tiny Ecuador over Julian Assange, U.S. bullying of Bolivia over Snowden, U.S. bullying of Venezuela over whatever it is that bugs the U.S. so much about Venezuela, and the fifty year hissy fit over Cuba, someone at State glanced up from perusing his morning dispatches to realize the U.S. just isn’t well-thought of down there. Since inside State bull is just another reality, why not do something swell like announce the end of the Monroe Doctrine, and then, by golly, South Americans will like the U.S. once again! Our United States– still believing empty symbolism is a replacement for action. Might as well be giving beads and blankets to the Native Americans in return for Montana.

    And who knows what is next. Perhaps to calm the Germans, Kerry will repudiate the Treaty of Versailles?

    That’s really how they think. That’s how it came to be that the secretary of state went out of his way to proclaim an irrelevant doctrine dead one hundred years after it no longer mattered. That’s really what America’s representatives abroad do with your tax dollars.

    Viva la Doctrine de el Presidente Monroe! Viva Senor Kerry!

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  • Recent Comments

    • Helen Marshall said...


      While I lived in Buenos Aires, I had an interesting conversation with a taxidriver…it was pouring rain and had been for several days. To my comment that “it’s not fair that the city is getting flooded” he replied, “oh yes it is, we deserve it, imagine, in 1806 the British invaded us and we tontos threw them out! If we’d just sat still we’d be speaking English today and would have a decent government and we’d be part of the Commonwealth instead of this ridiculous Mercosur,” etc etc. I was not sure how to reply, given that he knew I had just emerged from the US Embassy..

      11/20/13 11:11 PM | Comment Link

    • pitchfork said...


      Peter said: quote”Remember back in 8th grade U.S. History with Mr. O’Neil, the alcoholic football coach who had to teach at least one class to stay on the payroll?:”unquote

      Yesireebob..Ole Mr. O’Neil, my ole nemisis from Corning High School, who swore in front of the whole football team he was going to kick my ass for flipping him off when he told me to do 50 pushups for refusing to dress down in those ridiculous 1940 football uniforms in 106 degree weather and kill myself from heat exhaustion. He gave up. I hated football. And then, you were correct..the next class was history. I bet you can guess who the teacher was. I hated history too. And he hated me. And yeah..he was an alcoholic too. Talk about stereotypes. Good ole days my ass.

      Ok, nuff. Kerry. right. Well Peter, as usual you sum things up pretty nifty. What a maroon. The Greatest Show on Earth’s newest star of the Clowns-R-Us review leaves the world spell bound with

      right. good god. The Monroe Doctrine. I remember it well..er..kinda…I think I had to write a paper showing I knew what the fuck it was. Apparently..WAS was correct. Already was dead for 40 years..but yeah. I get the picture. In fact, I REALLY get the picture now. By this time, the good ole USG had kicked the British’s ass… twice, and as the new bully on the Americas block, wasn’t about to let another kid on the block muscle his way in on this bully’s profits. Is that about right? Peter..thanks for the history lesson. Now I understand. Kind of reminds me of that old TV program..”Connections”.

      btw Peter, I know I’m the last person on this planet who should be commenting on DOS shit as I’ve never so much as seen a DoS facility, let alone work there. But I have to tell you. YOUR blog is the ONLY blog I’ve found that helps me “connect the dots” in respect to the DoS. In that regard…

      Kudos my good man!

      11/21/13 12:13 AM | Comment Link

    • Lafcadio said...


      Tomorrow Secretary Kerry announces “54 40 or fight!”

      Friday it’s “Remember the Maine!”

      Kudos, PVB!

      11/21/13 2:07 AM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...


      The Dumbest Country on the Planet also believes Edward Snowden harmed national security:

      “Americans increasingly believe that former federal contractor Edward Snowden’s exposure of U.S. surveillance programs damaged national security, even as the programs have sparked widespread privacy concerns, a new Washington Post-ABC News poll has found.

      Six in 10 Americans — 60 percent — say Snowden’s actions harmed U.S. security, increasing 11 percentage points from July after a cascade of news reports based on his disclosures detailed the National Security Agency’s expansive web of telephone and Internet surveillance efforts. Clear majorities of Democrats, Republicans and independents believe disclosures have harmed national security.”

      11/21/13 10:41 AM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...


      “Between the long legacy of evil actions by the U.S., the Snowden revelations that the NSA spies on everyone…”

      What could go wrong?

      “Any time I had a rich guy in town, my secretary called her to see if she could go out. She told me that of all the people she had met … the nicest one was Congressman Jerry Ford. [FBI Director] J. Edgar Hoover could not find out the happenings when the Warren Commission was investigating the killer of President Kennedy. … J. Edgar Hoover could not find out what they were doing. So, he had this tape where Jerry Ford was having oral sex with Ellen Rometsch. You know, his wife had a serious drug problem back then. … Hoover blackmailed … Ford to tell him what they were doing. That’s the reason I don’t like him. It’s just a misuse of authority.”

      11/21/13 11:18 AM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...


      John Kerry is the right man to represent the Dumbest Country on the Planet:


      11/21/13 12:38 PM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...


      Just as J Edgar was the right man to represent the Famous But Incompetent:


      11/21/13 3:13 PM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...


      Just as “Crazy Bob” McDonnell is the right man to represent Virginia “is for crazies”:


      11/21/13 3:19 PM | Comment Link

    • pitchfork said...


      quote:”J. Edgar Hoover could not find out what they were doing. So, he had this tape where Jerry Ford was having oral sex with Ellen Rometsch.”unquote

      Ya mean this Ellen Rometsch? The one Kennedy was ..well..you know.


      Those were the days huh? I bet those Secret Service guys were laughing their ass off. Fiddle and Faddle.

      I submit the NSA makes J Edgar look like a small time mobster though.

      On a side note, I bet Peter will have a post very soon about this. Rice declares we owe no apology to Afghanistan. What a contemptible cunt.


      11/21/13 3:48 PM | Comment Link

    • jim hruska said...


      I submit that the Monroe doctrine should still be in effect and we should live by it’s concept.
      If we accept a US sphere of influence and hegemony then it follows that we accept the same for Germany,England,Russia, Japan, China etc…etc…
      If this is true then why fight WW1/2 and Korea and VN?
      Let the nations establish their own spheres and let’s do the same here in our corner of heaven.
      I think that Kerry is wrong , as is all of our policies since 1898.
      jim hruska

      11/21/13 5:45 PM | Comment Link

    • jim hruska said...


      Wasn’t the Domrep,Contras,Panama and Grenada examples of the Monroe Doctrine in action ?
      jim hruska

      11/23/13 6:51 PM | Comment Link

    • wemeantwell said...


      Sure, in a way. My main point was that the Monroe Doctrine was largely intended as a warning to the old imperialists of Europe that a new imperialist was staking out some turf.

      11/23/13 7:39 PM | Comment Link

    • jim hruska said...


      I acknowledge your point.
      My contention is that this was a clear recognition of the concept of regional power and subsequent policy concerning spheres of influence.
      If we followed this concept we’d have less wars.
      or so i surmise.
      jim hruska

      11/24/13 6:05 PM | Comment Link

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