• Letter from Your Friend Haider al-Abadi, Prime Minister of Iraq (Satire)

    May 29, 2015

    Tags: , ,
    Posted in: Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Military

    abadi

    Hello American people, your friend Haider al-Abadi, Prime Minister of Iraq, writing to you here from Baghdad, which is the capital of Iraq since many Americans I heard are ignorant of basic geography.

    Go ahead, check the Wikipedia, as Google is the friend of us all. Me, my English not so good, you forgive, OK.

    I meeting this good day with my old friends the Iranians. I had a few minutes here and wanted to drop you in America a line to say “hi.”

    I started thinking about you when I was reading a book about what you call the “Vietnam War.” People over there call it the Third Indochina War, as they fought the Japanese, the French and then you Americans in succession. Your wonderful naivete about history just amuses me. We in Iraq call the most recent invasion by you the Third and a Half Gulf War, after Saddam fought the Iranians in the 1980’s (you were on Iraq’s side), then Iraq fought the U.S. in 1991 and of course then you invaded us because of 9/11 in 2003. Now your troops are back in my country, but without their boots on my ground, so I call it half a new war for you.

    You know, in Vietnam your government convinced generations of Americans to fight and die for something bigger than themselves, to struggle for democracy they believed, to fight Communism in Vietnam before it toppled countries like dominoes (we also love this dominoes game in Iraq!) and you ended up fighting Communism in your California beaches. Everyone believed this but it was all a lie. Then in 2003 the George W. Bush (blessed be his name) told the exact same lie and everyone believed it again– he just changed the word “Communism” to “Terrorism” and again your American youth went off to die for something greater than themselves but it was a lie.

    How you fooled twice? Hah hah, don’t haggle in the marketplace, we say. Soon of course the Obama will say something similar and you’ll do it again. Maybe in Syria, maybe in Iran, maybe somewhere else. As you say, it’s a big world!

    But I am rude. I need to say now “Thank You” to the parents of the 4491 Americans who died in this Iraq invasion so that I could become leader of Iraq. Really guys and the girls, I could not have achieved this without you. See in March 2010 you had another American election festival for us in Iraq, and my good friend, boss and mentor al-Maliki lost by the counting of votes. However, because your State Department was desperate for some government to form here and they could not broker a deal themselves, they allowed the Iranian government to come and help us.

    My Iraq is good friends with my Iran thanks to you. “If Tehran and Baghdad are powerful, then there will be no place for the presence of enemies of nations in this region, including the U.S. and the Zionist regime,” the official Iranian news agency IRNA quoted Ahmadinejad as telling al-Maliki.

    Anyway, I gotta run my bitches. But yes, my thanks again for sacrificing 4491 of your young men and women for me. I can never repay this debt, not that I would even think of seeking to repay you anything you ignorant pigs.

    With love,

    Haider al-Abadi (follow me on Twitter!)



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  • Recent Comments

    • Chuck Nasmith said...

      1

      The U.$. is thinking of giving more money to an Occupier with nukes (wait, don’t we do that also for Freedom)?

      05/29/15 9:09 AM | Comment Link

    • RICH BAUER said...

      2

      Look on the bright side, the Iraq War Memorial will have a lot less names than the Vietnam War Memorial, assuming we are not stupid to wade back into Messopotamia. I suggest the Iraq War Memorial be placed next to the George W. Bush (blessed be his name) Presidense Library, so that visitors can read the names of the victims of government lies while waiting on line to read the lies inside the George W. Lie-brary.

      05/29/15 10:48 AM | Comment Link

    • Stephen said...

      3

      Thanks, Peter. For some reason this piece reminded me of Harry Shearer’s “Karzai Brothers” routine-that’s a compliment-and Rajiv Chandrasakaran’s book, “Little America”, a sub theme of which is the penchant for Afghans to skim off the last of American largesse (almost mockingly) as the U.S. wound down the show.
      No doubt the war monsters will call O some names soon which will be the equivalent of sissy and he will do something stupid. I don’t think it turns out well; I suspect the Iranians, the Ruskies and the Chinamen have just about had it. But in the meantime, thank you.

      05/29/15 12:30 PM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      4

      Honest historians of the American March of Folly since the end of WWII (if there are any left in twenty years) will just be left wincing when they try to put down their observations and conclusions. Barbara Tuchman in the great beyond is shaking her head in utter disbelief. It is no longer a march but a sprint of folly.

      05/29/15 6:29 PM | Comment Link

    • jhoover said...

      5

      Article published May 30, 2015
      Cheney’s accurate prophecy on Iraq

      Haviland Smith in a recent column regarding Iraq posed the question, “Does Washington have any idea what they’re doing?”

      Perhaps it was a rhetorical question because the answer is obvious. No. The only person who admitted Iraq would be a terrible mistake was Dick Cheney.

      In 1994 in regards invading Iraq, he said, “Once you got to Iraq and took it over and took down Saddam Hussein’s government, then what are you going to put in its place? That’s a very volatile part of the world. And if you take down the central government in Iraq, you could easily end up seeing pieces of Iraq fly off. Part of it the Syrians would like to have, the west. Part of eastern Iraq the Iranians would like to claim. Fought over for eight years. In the north, you’ve got the Kurds. And if the Kurds spin loose and join with Kurds in Turkey, then you threaten the territorial integrity of Turkey. It’s a quagmire if you go that far and try to take over Iraq.”

      Then he became CEO of Halliburton, and all that made sense was lost in the rush of profits, realized by the lost lives of thousands of innocents.

      CHARLES LARAMIE

      Haviland Smith
      a retired CIA Station Chief, on issues concerning Foreign Policy, the Intelligence Process, Terrorism, the CIA, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, the Middle East, Israel/Palestine, Libya, Russia, and the United States. He writes regularly for the Rutland Herald, the Barre Times-Argus, the Herald of Randolph, The Valley News in the Upper Connecticut River Valley of Vermont and New Hampshire, and for the Baltimore Sun.

      05/30/15 6:47 PM | Comment Link

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