• North Korea Election Monitors Leave New York in Disgust (Satire?)

    April 20, 2016

    Tags: , , ,
    Posted in: Democracy, Post-Constitution America

    A team of North Korean election monitors left New York City in disgust, claiming that democracy was “dead to them.”

    Following a long series of primary election issues across the United States, where local scams, manipulated caucuses and voter disenfranchisement ran wild, the United Nations requested the North Koreans provide a team of election monitors (above) to oversee the highly-contested New York primary. In choosing North Korea for the job, UN officials cited the “great similarities between the North Korean and American systems.”

    “You people make me sick,” said team leader Kim Young Hee, spitting onto a homeless man living inside LaGuardia Airport who was clawing at his socks for nourishment. “All we hear on your stupid Voice of America shortwave broadcasts and smuggled laser discs of old American Idol shows is democracy this, democracy that from you capitalist pigs. Then we arrive and what do we find? A paper ballot-based voting system right out of the 1950s, run by ignorant old people who have no experience, little training and too much free time. In Pyongyang, they’d be working in the uranium mines, not hassling first-time voters and African-Americans!”

    Comrade Kim went on to cite the unequal application of voter ID laws, the way polling sites were shifted around without notice, and the fact that some 150,000 registered voters in New York were left off the polling lists and were thus unable to vote. He also could not score Hamilton tickets after being promised by a guy in the men’s room “he’d be right back with change”, but said he would leave that out of his report to the UN.

    “And all this when less than half of your eligible voters even bother to show up? In North Korea, we have 100% voter turnout every election, and stuff runs like clockwork. The Party would be locking up whole families of the officials involved in this kind of clusterfutz. Now, I’ll admit, we have only one candidate running like your Republicans do, but seriously, you’re America, the people who found a way through your ‘fast food’ to feed the masses even cheaper than we do in North Korea. Jeez people, you don’t have this computerized yet? Hell, we do, using a 286 Gateway PC running a pirated copy of DOS 4.0. Losers.”

    Wiping a healthy dollop of dog crap off his shoe after having set foot on a New York sidewalk (“I’d eat the bastard for that if we were back home”) Comrade Kim reminded his American handlers that if for some reason Dear Leader Trump lost in November, he’d always be welcome in Pyongyang.

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  • Recent Comments

    • Bruce said...


      At least the CampaignPitch-slapping BandWagon runs OnTime :

      04/20/16 4:20 PM | Comment Link

    • North Korea Election Monitors Leave New York in Disgust (Satire?) h… | Roy Schestowitz - API Key Placeholder said...


      […] Korea Election Monitors Leave New York in Disgust (Satire?) https://wemeantwell.com/blog/2016/04/20/north-korea-election-monitors-leave-new-york-in-disgust-satir… #nyprimary grossly rigged. #clinton […]

      04/20/16 6:22 PM | Comment Link

    • rich bauer said...


      U.S. Ranks 41st In Press Freedom Index Thanks To ‘War On Whistleblowers’ (NOT SATIRE)

      America may be the land of the free ,but it’s gonna cost the person’s freedom who risks keeping it free.

      The U.S. is ranked 41 out of 180 countries in Reporters Without Borders’ World Press Freedom Index, which measures the “level of freedom of information in 180 countries.”

      Ranking way behind free-loving countries such as Ghana, the U.S. moved from 49 in 2015 to 41 this year, though it warned that the “relative improvement by comparison hides overall negative trends.”

      Citing the U.S. government’s “war on whistleblowers who leak information about its surveillance activities, spying and foreign operations, especially those linked to counter-terrorism,” and the country’s lack of a “shield law” that would allow journalists to protect confidential sources, the report takes a decidedly negative view of U.S. press freedom.

      Most of our political elite and corporate media shitheads would rub that dog crap off their shoe with the Constitution.

      04/20/16 6:49 PM | Comment Link

    • bloodypitchfork said...


      Not to slight this post Peter..but I have to say.. that picture of N. Korean military elite is the funniest picture I’ve seen in 10 years. I mean..Monte Python must be rolling on the floor in gut splitting laughter.

      04/20/16 8:34 PM | Comment Link

    • teri said...


      “[…] This chart compares and contrasts the overall 100-point PEI [Perception of Electoral Integrity] index for all elections held since 2012 in the Western democracies covered in the survey. In the United States, this covers both the 2012 presidential elections and the 2014 congressional contests.

      “Americans often express pride in their democracy, yet the results indicate that domestic and international experts rate the U.S. elections as the worst among all Western democracies.

      “Comparisons can also be drawn with all 180 parliamentary and presidential elections included in the latest report, covering 139 countries. The 2012 U.S. presidential election ranks 60th out of 180 elections worldwide, close to Bulgaria, Mexico and Argentina.

      “This is no one-time shortcoming. The 2014 U.S. congressional elections rank even worse, 65th out of 180 worldwide.[…]”


      04/21/16 7:31 AM | Comment Link

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      04/21/16 8:44 AM | Comment Link

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