• We Are Still Alive (Non-Hacked Russian Stooge and Terrorism Edition)

    January 1, 2017

    Tags: , , ,
    Posted in: Democracy, Trump

    Passed out


    This is a version of last year’s January 1 article, updated to reflect the new fears of the World’s Most Frightened Nation.

    I survived. America, and the world, and you, survived. We awoke the first day of 2017 to find that once again, using the extraordinary power of fear, we again held off the terrorists. And Putin. And Trump, nationalists, racists, hackers, alt-Right fascists, CNN, persons of all colors, genders, shapes, sizes, and goddamn religions.

    Fear Classic: Terrorism

    Hard as it is to persuade a constantly re-frightened American public, there have been less than 100 Americans killed inside the Homeland by so-called Islamic terrorism since 9/11.

    Argue the number, hell, go ahead and double or triple it, and it still a tragic, sad, but undeniable drop in the bucket. Throw in a few mysterious “foiled plots” the government never seems to have many specifics on to share and tack on some more to the terror body count. No matter how hard you drive, you just can’t get the number of Americans killed or even in clear danger of being killed to a very large number.

    And do spare the tired trope of “well, security measures such as at our airports have saved us from who knows how many attacks.” Leaving aside the idea that the argument itself demands a kind of negative logic (the “who knows” part) to even make sense, a test by the Department of Homeland’s own Inspector General’s Office, posing as travelers, showed 95 percent of contraband, including weapons and explosives, got through during clandestine testings. If a failure rate of 95 percent did not have planes falling from the sky, one must conclude security does little to affect terrorism.

    CNN on the Eve told us that almost two million people were in Times Square to see in the New Year, along with 7,000 cops and 65 giant trucks filled with sand to stop the 2016 fad (actually two cases, in Europe) of car/truck driving terrorists. More Americans died of alcohol poisoning (booze terror!) last night than terrorism.

    A shout-out here also to a benevolent Allah, who mercifully did not tell any terrorists that while Times Square was secured on the Eve, the rest of the large crowds elsewhere in New York were pretty much not, and a suicide bomber could have ridden in on a camel. Same as the days after New Year’s, when there is the usual lack of any serious security everywhere but at Trump Tower. Luckily ISIS couldn’t figure any of that out. Whew.


    Our New Fears for 2017

    And despite the new fears, actually two old ones recombined, our such as it is democracy is still hanging around. The new fears are quite creative, lopping together that old standby, The Red Menace and its global evil genius Vlad Putin, and “hacking,” the computer thingie that scares old peoples and is why you need to go home every Thanksgiving and reboot grandpa’s PC so he can play Solitaire again.

    We endured the fear-mongering of the autumn that our Very Way of Life was at risk, because John Podesta’s emails were released and because the Electoral College was full of meanie rats who wouldn’t do something something Hamilton and elect Hillary like the script said they should. If only the Russians and FBI and Clinton Foundation and email server and Bernie Sanders and the nine votes cast for Jill Stein and the recounts that actually cost Clinton a few votes and 62 million Americans hadn’t interfered, we would be entering 2017 basking in the warm and eternal glow of Dear Leader Hillary Clinton leading us from bondage. Dammit.

    Trump has also failed (so far!) to start any wars with China, Planet Mongo, or Russia by breaking up with Putin and refusing to give the ring back. He has not instituted Sharia law or martial law or the Nuremberg laws or rounded up people who write liberal tweets or made all LGBTQ people marry illegal aliens and wear boring clothing to NASCAR races. That may come, it’s early in 2017, but so far, not yet.

    But don’t believe me. “We should be absolutely terrified in 2017—perhaps more than at any other point in the 20th century,” said Robin Kelley, historian of social movements in the U.S. at the University of California Los Angeles.

    Or maybe, believe me. It is all panic-mongering, designed to keep us in a state of fear. Fearful people are easy to manipulate. So stop being afraid.

    BONUS: Many have written in to ask what I get in return for being a Russian puppet. To be honest, not much, mostly just a hobby. I do get to crash on Snowden’s pull-out when I’m in Moscow for reeducation sessions, and that saves me a few bucks.

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    Copyright © 2017. All rights reserved. The views expressed here are solely those of the author(s) in their private capacity. Follow me on Twitter!

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  • Recent Comments

    • rich bauer said...

      1

      “Many have written in to ask what I get in return for being a Russian puppet.”

      Who you calling a puppet? The media got Trump elected.

      TRUMP LOVES PUTIN but oil runs MUPPET tv.

      01/1/17 12:04 PM | Comment Link

    • rich bauer said...

      2

      Shit, it’s always about oil.

      01/1/17 12:05 PM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      3

      Let’s not get complacent here. Russia was still able to pull off dangerous stuff. They hacked into Mariah Carey’s larynx during her performance in Times Square. Actually that was a good thing! Cheney could waterboard her uvula and I wouldn’t protest.

      01/1/17 12:05 PM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      4

      Bauer- It was an Islamic cleric who said humanking was doomed for exhuming the devil’s dung (oil).

      01/1/17 12:10 PM | Comment Link

    • Sokollu said...

      5

      Not sure why the gratuitous slap at “old peoples” who are supposedly too dumb to figure out a computer. Otherwise, another very fine column.

      01/1/17 12:54 PM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      6

      Peter,

      Too cool.

      Question though…. LgbtQ…..

      What the hell does the ‘Q’ stand for, anyway?????

      They already have a ‘B’ for Bauer….. So…..????

      M

      01/1/17 4:45 PM | Comment Link

    • wemeantwell said...

      7

      Q = Queer. I am not the right person to sort out who is who in the LGBTQ universe, but generally believe I should call people what they want to be called, and some folks prefer Queer.

      01/2/17 9:42 AM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      8

      Happy New Year All! Lets work together this year for the people. Be Happy. Wage Peace and Justice. TY PVB!

      01/1/17 6:49 PM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      9

      Chuck- I share your ethos but fear a thoroughly disgraced Democratic party and their media goons will go to any ends to
      make it nearly impossible for Trump to make needed changes. Their bruised egos have turned them into sociopaths.

      01/2/17 10:23 AM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      10

      Peter,

      Same here…..same here….. But….. Then….I’m coming to the belief that I’m not the person to try and figure out people anywhere, anymore.

      M

      01/2/17 10:46 AM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      11

      John,

      Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….. Too cool…..

      And…. Very true.

      M

      01/2/17 10:48 AM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      12

      John, Van Jones wants to make millions, and not help the people. Many other DMFer$. Peace…

      01/2/17 10:58 AM | Comment Link

    • rich bauer said...

      13

      The enemy is not in some faraway land. It’s right here:

      http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/defying_donald_trumps_kleptocracy_20170101

      01/2/17 12:49 PM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      14

      Peter says we should stop being afraid. But what’s the fun in that? I figure if you can’t beat them, join them, make a buck like everybody else. So I wrote a movie script about a lunatic US presidense in the genre of the DEAD ZONE and THE OMEN. Thinking of a title THE 666 CODE to get the psycho crowd interested.

      Really it’s fiction!!! Its about a secret global society that a Serbian woman named JELENA uncovers in Rome. The secret society had Adolf Hitler as a member and she discovers the lunatic US president is also a member. It’s not like Omen, no 666 on the head of the AC, although it has Rome as the center of the scenes. Turns out the clock starts ticking in 1930 when Hitler first rose in the political world. The Serbian woman meets an American exdiplomat who was kicked out for his conspiracy theories and he joins her on her investigation of the secret society. No sex at all, this is a family show, thank you. The two witnesses try to get the attention of the media and governments but are Cassandra in the worst way. The ticking clock code begins in (19)30 and major events in the secret society occur every 11 years, which is an episode in itself. So adding 30, 41, 52, 63, 74, 85, 96, 107, 118 equals 666. The eight 11 year periods add up to 88, which added to 1930 gets us to 2018. By the way, number 88 is associated with Adolf Hitler.

      Thinking of selling it as a series to NETFLIX or HULU. Maybe HBO, who the hell knows. I could write a book, but who makes any money doing that these days?

      01/2/17 7:07 PM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      15

      Yeah, yeah, Trump is German heritage, and nuts but there is ABSOLUTELY no relation to anyone living or dead, SO there.

      01/2/17 7:15 PM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      16

      Bauer- Hedges might try to impeach Trump before he takes office. He’s telling us what Trump will do and how he will destroy the USA and Trump isn’t even in office. I’d call that a premature alarmist. Give Trump a year. Hell, people gave Obama 8 years and still thought he was sincere with his hope and change ruse.

      01/2/17 8:57 PM | Comment Link

    • rich bauer said...

      17

      “Hitler offered something to everyone: work to the unemployed; prosperity to failed business people; profits to industry; expansion to the Army; social harmony and restoration of glory to those in despair. He promised to bring order amid chaos; a feeling of unity to all and the chance to belong. He would make Germany strong again.”

      Can dead people sue for plagiarism?

      01/2/17 9:51 PM | Comment Link

    • rich bauer said...

      18

      On election day September 14, 1930, the Nazis received 6,371,000 votes – over eighteen percent of the total – and were thus entitled to 107 seats in the German Reichstag. It was a stunning victory for Hitler. Overnight, the Nazi Party went from the smallest to the second largest political party in Germany.

      On October 13, 1930, dressed in their brown shirts, the elected Nazi deputies marched in unison into the Reichstag and took their seats. When the roll-call was taken, each one shouted, “Present! Heil Hitler!”

      Now, for the floundering German democracy, the clock was ticking and time was on Hitler’s side.

      01/2/17 9:54 PM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      19

      Washington (CNN)House Republicans voted 119-74 Monday night in favor of a proposal that would gut Congress’ outside ethics watchdog and remove its independence.

      Republican Virginia Rep. Bob Goodlatte’s proposal would place the independent Office of Congressional Ethics — an initial watchdog for House members but without power to punish members — under oversight of those very lawmakers..

      The Nazis were more discreet when they took power.

      01/3/17 6:41 AM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      20

      Hitler was more discreet when he threatened Europe.

      Bird brain’s latest tweet: North Korea just stated that it is in the final stages of developing a nuclear weapon capable of reaching parts of the U.S. It won’t happen!

      01/3/17 7:30 AM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      21

      While we contemplate things that should scare the hell out of US, here is this:

      Travelers in the US and Canada may soon be forced to undergo a lie detector test as a standard part of airport security.

      The Automated Virtual Agent for Truth Assessments in Real Time (AVATAR) is currently being tested by the Canadian Border Services Agency and the US Department of Homeland Security.

      The robot — programmed to look for physiological changes that indicate lying through eye-detection software and other sensors — could help border agents catch terrorists or drug traffickers, according to San Diego State University researchers.

      “AVATAR is a kiosk, much like an airport check-in or grocery store self-checkout kiosk,” San Diego State University management information systems professor Aaron Elkins told SDSU’s News Center.

      It was originally designed for the entrance of Congress, but it kept rejecting everybody.

      01/3/17 7:48 AM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      22

      Its Tuesday. Is this one of Obombers last kill list days in office? Why was this allowed?

      01/3/17 8:20 AM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      23

      Bauer- your Hitler analogies are tiresome. You’ve already fled so your warnings are empty. You’re safe- We’ll manage here in the USA.

      01/3/17 8:31 AM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      24

      Rich Bauer,

      Some thoughts for you….

      First…. If you take 667-1…. = 666
      Take 1666- 1000…. = 666….

      It happens a lot….. Its called Math.

      2nd…..

      If some nutcase down the street is screaming all about Nazi’s…. 666… Etc….

      While bolting a .50 Cal MINIGUN to the roof of his eco-car……

      In the nice pink houses residential area….
      You call 911…. The police send a SWAT team…. They try to talk…..if that does not work…. You stop them….

      Any way you have to….

      That …BTW….. Would be North Korea….. Execpt…he is threatening a nuclear weapon….

      So…..my suggestion for you is…..call a cab…. Go to the bus station…..
      DON’T DRIVE…. For God’s sake ….don’t drive…..

      Go back to the nice hospital…. Tell the nice Doctor…. The meds are not working…. And you need to try different ones.

      M

      01/3/17 8:56 AM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      25

      BDS

      01/3/17 8:56 AM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      26

      I have only begun to irritate.

      PS: the WMW moderator job is filled, Thank you for asking.
      .

      01/3/17 9:09 AM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      27

      If the boobs in der Homeland actually try this kiosk idiot idea, everyone should just crunch their toes and secondary inspection will be a zoo. Besides, who gets stressed talking to a machine that can terminate your travel plans?

      01/3/17 9:14 AM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      28

      Bauer is only fishing for praise on his decision to flee the American Reich early unlike we clueless idiots who are sure to be shipped to an American Dachau. Come clean on why you really left or had to leave and we’ll reconsider your jeremiad postings.

      01/3/17 9:28 AM | Comment Link

    • Rich Bauer said...

      29

      We ?

      We are all waiting for your judgment day, clowns.

      01/3/17 9:40 AM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      30

      Bauer,

      You are so NOT John Paul Jones.

      Unless of course, we can add delusional to your diagnostic?

      M

      01/3/17 9:42 AM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      31

      A friend who was Anti Trump, pro Killery, and a Dem lover no matter what, is NOW an Anti the Anti Trump, and will not protest as planned. The Dems are losing the co-opt attempt. Some Sheeple are waking up!

      01/3/17 10:44 AM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      32

      I do not like Trump, Hillary, D’s or R’s, and Clowns. Bozo/20666

      01/3/17 11:40 AM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      33

      I have a loop that keeps playing The Doors “Unknown Soldier”. I am hoping to set a record for listening to repeats for a year and supplement my income! How much do Clowns make, and are they unionized? Is water wet? Wage Peace…(did someone threaten people here? Better be a clown). Happy New Year all.

      01/3/17 1:28 PM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      34

      Panthers stopped from feeding homeless. God damn Nazi Trump, oh wait, Obummer. Oh know. Get your airplane pape bags ready…Nancy Pelosi will nurture u.$.. Change We Can Believe In. Yes We Scan.

      01/3/17 1:33 PM | Comment Link

    • bloodypitchfork said...

      35

      bartender.. 2 shots of whatever Chuck is having, and a Rich Bauer chaser. Meanwhile, turn on the teh veh, so I can get a handle on MSM for the next 1 minute, and decide which planet the rest of humanity is on.

      01/3/17 8:10 PM | Comment Link

    • Kyzl Orda said...

      36

      It’s ironic when people make the Russian puppet claim against whistle blowers, including from unquestioning supporters of (insert political party here). Usually from people who would sell out and keep quiet or roll right under the bed if faced with whatever challenges whistle blowers have gone through. “See something, say nothing.” There is a Nigerian proverb that is probably applicable too – “To not want to know is worse than not knowing.”

      Great way to serve one’s bank account, erm country

      Thank you, Peter, and ever whistle blower out there. To hell with the fear-mongers and head-in-the-sand folks

      01/3/17 8:22 PM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      37

      Kyzi,

      Thanks…. And your welcome….

      Not to the level Peter and others have done…. But… Been there …. Done that….couple of times.

      And….. For the record….. Its hellish.

      I would say…. ‘never again;……. But…. Knowing me….

      M

      01/3/17 9:07 PM | Comment Link

    • Kyzl Orda said...

      38

      Dear Mitch,

      Yes, they purposefully make it hellish but it goes two ways too.

      01/4/17 12:57 PM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      39

      Kyzi,

      I know….. And….. I did do that….. And…. The price……. Expensive would be a mild term….

      However…. It did have some …. Interesting side effects…..

      The ‘no one wants to mess with you thing’…… Its gotten me out of a … Few…. Speeding tickets.

      Shame that it takes total fear to get ‘ authorities’… To do the “right thing”.

      M

      01/4/17 1:49 PM | Comment Link

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