• Apologizing to George Takei (and Everyone Else!)

    July 31, 2017

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    Posted in: Other Ideas



    Um, yeah, so, like we white guys got together for a Handmaiden’s Tale watch party, and realized we owed a lot of people an apology.

    Actually, we need to apologize to pretty much everyone except the few of us stuck in this dying demographic. So we gotta get this done before heading off to the Galapagos Islands in hopes those big turtles will breed with us and allow our bloodline to continue. But it turns out even with social media, none of us know a lot of POC, or LGBTQ folks, or even women who’ll answer our calls (those restraining orders can be tricky) so we decided to apologize to you, George Takei, in hopes that you’ll spread it around for us.

    Of course if anyone had any message for we white men, I’d be happy to pass those along and return the favor!


    See, we realized (and I speak for all of us, from those Manchester by the Sea kind of people to wiseguys in New York to meth heads in Ohio to my cousin out west, ’cause apparently somehow we’re all the same anyway) George you kind of sum things up in America right now.

    First, you’re like the the best victim ever. As a child you were in a Japanese internment camp. I mean, you went with your parents and all at age 5, but the U.S. government did that and yep, white guy in charge, it’s in all the history books. There have been reparations paid, formal apologies made, a national monument created, a lot of documentaries and Never Again statements, but you have personally, George, kept that victim thing alive some 70 years later. Respect. By the way, you know the white guy who was in charge then, Franklin Roosevelt, was in a wheelchair so I kinda thought we’d cut him some Caucasian slack as a disabled person, but, whatever, it’s OK.



    Lastly, George, we picked you because you haven’t really done anything special other than be victimized.

    You were an actor on a TV show when I was a kid and then… you did some other stuff, right, like, um, be an example and raise awareness and all. In fact, here’s what you say in your autobio: “George Takei is best known for his portrayal of Mr. Sulu in the acclaimed television and film series Star Trek. He’s an actor, social justice activist, social media mega-power, originated the role of Sam Kimura and Ojii-Chan in the Broadway musical Allegiance, and subject of To Be Takei, a documentary on his life and career.” In 2015, Cosmopolitan Magazine named Takei “One of the Internet’s 50 Most Fascinating People.” Your resume is basically full-Kardashian, but she has never clicked as a victim.

    So what could be better than for us to choose you, a guy whose basic job title is Victim of Stuff, to receive our apology for the things white guys have done bad (ongoing) since the dawn of civilization?

    Sorry, George. Please tell the others.




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    Copyright © 2017. All rights reserved. The views expressed here are solely those of the author(s) in their private capacity. Follow me on Twitter!

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  • Recent Comments

    • RICH BAUER said...

      1

      We all need to apologize to the earth. It is not just white men. Give George a shoutout for helping to stamp out the disease that is killing the earth by not breeding. White sperm cells are helping too, cutting the average white male sperm count in half. Here is how the rest of us can help: cut R & D In medical research so the next HIV disease can finish us off. Come on North Korea, do your part. Florida is doing its part by making solar power cost prohibitive for consumers. The human race has endless potential for destroying itself. It is what defines us.

      07/31/17 9:12 AM | Comment Link

    • RICH BAUER said...

      2

      Dont be a Kochsucker.

      07/31/17 9:30 AM | Comment Link

    • jim hruska said...

      3

      PVB,
      isn’t the things that white men have done to white men the real problem?
      try ww’s1 &2 on for size.
      didn’t they start the descent of the west?
      please remember that we didn’t do chemical experiments or cut off any heads of the interred Japanese here in America. nor did we use any of them for slave labor.
      try reading about the bataan death march.
      jim hruska

      07/31/17 9:31 AM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      4

      Peter.

      Speak for yourself…..

      Old white guys are kind of like whiskey……

      They both get blamed for a Lot of crap they didn’t do.

      M

      07/31/17 9:43 AM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      5

      Rich….

      Do your comments mean your operations were successful????

      Congratulations!!!!!!!!

      Are you changing your name still????

      I know you had to be pissed when that Bitch took “Caitlyn”.

      Felt real bad for you. After all that time you put into researching name…. Just to have that happen.

      M

      07/31/17 9:49 AM | Comment Link

    • RICH BAUER said...

      6

      Mitch, your idol, Steve Bannon, is a Kochsucker too.

      07/31/17 9:54 AM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      7

      hrusha: good point but America just came late to the game. Once we knew about what the Nazi doctors were capable of we sort of wished they could come here after the war to teach us a few things. It all makes sense. If humans are an evolution of vermin into apes then only the most ruthless apes prevailed. We’re the alpha killer ape and we kill our own species very easily. We take after the Old Testament God who smited at will.

      07/31/17 10:19 AM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      8

      Who would Jesus Bomb? Have a nice day!

      07/31/17 10:45 AM | Comment Link

    • RICH BAUER said...

      9

      Chuck,

      The question is who would God bomb. Jesus is a noncombatant. I think our nice days are running out.

      07/31/17 10:50 AM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      10

      Remember, Mom upside down is wow, and God backwards is dog. Just got back from a special (!) forces kid funeral. Sad his dad was homeless in a wheel chair,and died, but good the kid got a foster home. His bro died a few years ago. How is the poppy production? Oil output up? Does agent orange get rid of my garden bug problem? Wave multiple flags, and listen to Hollywood George. They and the Deep man pay well. U$A (repaeat) Kumbaya… #1

      07/31/17 11:29 AM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      11

      Rich.

      Great response…. So…. Educational……. Not !!!!!

      Btw…… Can’t stand him either……

      However…… At least put the blame where it belongs…. 50 years of bungled statesman ship

      M

      07/31/17 11:31 AM | Comment Link

    • chuck said...

      12

      Utah is beautiful! Peace… Engage!

      07/31/17 1:10 PM | Comment Link

    • RICH BAUER said...

      13

      Scareymucchi, defanged, let go.

      07/31/17 2:53 PM | Comment Link

    • John Poole said...

      14

      Poor SNL writers. They get in a huddle and work on stuff and then some guy busts in telling them their skits aren’t needed anymore. The turnover is just too great for SNL now.

      07/31/17 6:33 PM | Comment Link

    • RICH BAUER said...

      15

      Harvard took up the slack. It listed Scareymuchhi as deceased..just by accident, of course.

      07/31/17 6:44 PM | Comment Link

    • Jim Kirk said...

      16

      That was a terrific takedown. I used to enjoy Takei’s schtick, but lately he’s become insufferable–even for a professional victim.

      07/31/17 9:02 PM | Comment Link

    • Mitch said...

      17

      John.

      SNL has been going down hill since Bill left

      M

      08/1/17 7:51 AM | Comment Link

    • Bruce said...

      18

      Sulu ! Trigger photon torpedo !!

      08/1/17 12:56 PM | Comment Link

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