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I Can’t Sleep
When I try to sleep at night, I can’t relax. I blearily turn on the TV. But I can’t change the channel. My TV is telling me I am going to die, maybe by Covid (they say there’s a new variant, you know, called Monkeypox), maybe by climate change because it is likely already too late. Before I drown I’ll be hungry because supply chains don’t work anymore, and inflation is stripping away my purchasing power, and some sort of fascist coup will happen and I’ll probably have to wear all gray clothes all the time like in the dystopian movies. Then there are the TV diseases, bowel disorders and skin problems that medicines I can’t afford might fix except side effects can include blindness, paralysis, saying thingstoofasttounderstandanditallisjustablur of fear. It doesn’t matter I can’t pick out the words, I know what it means. If only I had that medicine maybe I’d be happy like the people in the commercials, going to farmer’s markets with my racially diverse group of great pals.
The rhetoric of emergency, crisis, and imminent doom has always been part of American life. We have not been happy for some 75 years. We were happy for a short time after we defeated Hitler, but then we spent three generations certain we would die in a nuclear fireball because behind Hitler were Communists who wanted to invade us, right up the beaches of San Diego, even when for a while we were the apex predator on the planet with the world’s only atomic bomb. We beat the Communists but our happiness was short-lived because of the terrorists and right after we beat them there was Putin, hiding and waiting to ruin the Olympics again.I have always been afraid. But I also realized that the ever-increasing speed of fear has never so dominated American life since about 11 p.m. on November 8, 2016, when it became clear Donald Trump would win the presidency. The stakes grew daily; never mind Putin, a Russian agent was in the very Oval Office. There he was giving away secrets, there he was jeopardizing the security of Asia by holding peace talks and hands with Kim Jong Un, then the terrorists were almost back because he was going to pull out of Afghanistan too soon after 20 years. Covid. George Floyd. Elections. Democracy itself was to end on January 6. Barack Obama said at the 2020 Democratic Convention we must vote Democrat out of fear of losing our democracy. Everyday I had new things to be afraid of, Oathkeepers and Boogaloo Bois, not enough beds, and not enough ventilators. The tension of constant crisis defined the years, every day it seemed to reach a breaking point only to be topped again the next morning.Then I thought maybe we had a chance. Normalcy, in the person of perhaps the most established and, well, normal politician of the last few generations, seemed to have returned. I felt like I was almost given permission to exhale.But no, the crisis had only deepened. The seemingly impossible had happened: the brief occupation of the citadel of American democracy by a mob out of control was not over. It was in fact, I was told, the seminal event of our generation, perhaps the end of the American Experiment itself. The TV says this is mostly the fault of Trump, whom the TV people seem very certain is still in charge of everything. If only a Democrat could get into the White House and start fixing things so I might see my grandchildren again at my show trial after they turn me in for thought crimes. Donald Trump — the ghost of elections past and, perhaps, yet to come — still commands constant and breathless coverage, from cable news to late night. The fraternity of coronavirus variants — alpha, delta, omicron — is like the list of hurricane names: catchy but menacing, perfect for tweets and news scrolls. I am told the upcoming elections, if Republicans do well, will not be fair, and that decades of civil rights work and legislation are meaningless now because the Senate still has the filibuster and Joe Manchin. It seems every story is reported with a flashlight held under the announcer’s chin.I tried to figure out if I had gone insane. The arguments are so stupid, it was like arguing a horse is not an orange. I left the room for five minutes and returned to see the U.S. was semi-at war for war over another country’s problems which isn’t America. What, are there Kurds now in Ukraine we have to die for? I couldn’t find any debate, anybody asking why we were starting down the road to another war, only that I should get scared again of the Russian Bear taking over Europe. See, because Neville Chamberlain misread Hitler, forever after any attempts at peace are called appeasement. That’s why I’m told war between China and Taiwan is imminent and the U.S. has to be ready to water the rice paddies of Asia again with American blood. Meanwhile, in the face of lurking Covid, living in daily fear of terrorism seems almost nostalgic.Dammit, somebody said if we elected Anybody But Trump things would be OK. Instead it seems worse than ever. Fear as a policy has yielded a nuclear arms race which nearly destroyed the world, the lost decade of freedoms sacrificed to protection from terrorism, and the hundreds of thousands dead in pointless revenge wars. Now comes the wasted spring, summer, autumns, and winters of Covid overreaction, destroying the economy and breaking the spirit of people, followed by inflation and five buck gas. So forgive me when I am not sure I should fear for our democracy as much as I fear for our sanity.
Copyright © 2020. All rights reserved. The views expressed here are solely those of the author(s) in their private capacity.
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Rich Bauer said...
1Cant sleep? Watch CSPAN or read TAC articles and you will be asleep before you know it,
09/28/22 7:38 PM | Comment Link
John Poole said...
2I can’t sleep either. I keep seeing the same people on TV saying Russia and Putin are finished. Patreus, Fiona Hill and Friedman types- They rarely get things right but are always asked back. There is something wrong with my internet feed or I’m insane.
09/29/22 10:12 AM | Comment Link
Rich Bauer said...
3JP,
I couldn’t sleep either when the malignant narcissist had his finger on the nuclear codes, and proved he would not stop at anything to remain Presidense…if not for a Secret Service driver who wouldn’t take him to his Final Destination.
Speaking of lunatics with his finger on the nuke codes AND who is seriously threatening to use his nukes, RazPutin keeps me awake that he will join Trump and the Q-balls to save US from the vampire sex cult that runs the Deep State.
The Q-balls and the OC put me to sleep when they warned US The Storm was Coming. They were right. It just destroyed cities in South Florida. DeSantis better not be Bidening his time sending migrants from Texas to Massachusetts. They fire mayors for not cleaning up after a storm. Remember DeSantis ignored the unemployment system fiasco, did nothing to address the booming spread of Covid in Florida. and has done nothing about the uncontrolled Cuban smuggling to Florida. If Biden shows DeSantis to be just another fat cat looking out for himself like the Orange Clown, he may have lots of time to sleep.
09/29/22 2:25 PM | Comment Link
Rich Bauer said...
4JP,
RazPutin’s annexation of lands with a sizable Russian population makes me stay awake at night. If that is a justification, then the miniHitler might annex parts of Brooklyn and Los Angeles, nicht wahr?
09/30/22 11:13 AM | Comment Link
John Poole said...
5Bauer: Russia’s leader is very wily- our leader is looking for the deceased at press briefings. The Russian psyche may be authoritarian by default- a speculation of course. Remind me again how Johnson’s SMO in Vietnam convinced the American sheeple to go along. Right now I see no palatable conflict resolution in Ukraine. If you have one please post it immediately. I don’t have a nuke safe bunker.
09/30/22 4:25 PM | Comment Link
Rich Bauer said...
6What should keep US all awake is the GrimReaper who takes William Rivers Pitt but wont touch Tucker Carlson with his ten foot pole.
09/30/22 9:03 PM | Comment Link
Rich Bauer said...
7JP,
If the Russkie oligarchs see their fortunes going down in ruble, perhaps Putin will meet the same fate as RasPutin. That would end it.
10/1/22 9:13 AM | Comment Link
Rich Bauer said...
8JP,
Putin has awakened the sleeping Russkie bear, and it doesn’t want to fight in the cold winter ahead. Putin, like Trump, only cares about himself. He will lie to his dumbass followers, declare he won, and continue to grift off them. There is no End to these con men as long as there are sheep to be fleeced. When his fellow grifters realize he is no use to them, they will turn on him just like the Repug rats will turn on Trump.
10/2/22 6:48 AM | Comment Link
John Poole said...
9Bauer: I sense that Putin will remain in power longer than Joe Biden. That’s hedging somewhat since Joe could experience a forced early retirement from his White House post. The feckless Kamala Harris was a marginally useful Democratic asset in 2020 but appears a liability now. No sane person would run for POTUS. That is where we are as a nation.
10/2/22 5:23 PM | Comment Link
Rich Bauer said...
10Perhaps the reason Peter can’t sleep is he has a guilty conscience.
Associating with Tucker will do that. Of course, Tucker sleeps very soundly, as sociopaths do. So let it all out, Peter. Admit You take money from a blog who has a guy on the board who would make Joe Goebbels cringe.
Your next articles should address the Big Lie that has brainwashed millions, IF you really meant well you and not just another sociopath mercenary. We can forgive you for stealing taxpayer money in your year in Iraq, but you are not forced this time.
Of course the theme of your “expose” was a joke. You and all the others took the money in the service of a BIG LIE and WE NEVER MEANT WELL.
10/3/22 10:26 AM | Comment Link
John Poole said...
11Bauer- you need to drop your diatribe against PVB. Of course I can say this easily since I’ve never met nor spoken with him. I might easily despise him on sight! Hah. I’ll buy both of you an “e”beer if you can drop the rancor- We could toast to Putin’s hopefully failing health via FaceTime. Philly, Hawaii, and wherever you are. Pick a time convenient for all of us.
10/5/22 9:05 AM | Comment Link
Rich Bauer said...
12JP,
Peter ain’t no snowflake. He can stand the heat. When he is writing something worth his intelligence, he gets the pat on the back from me. BTW, have your purchased any of his books? You never refer to them. If more people would buy his books he wouldn’t have to write for trash like TAC. When he submits crap that TAC pays him to write, then he will get the kick up his ass.
10/5/22 2:06 PM | Comment Link
Rich Bauer said...
13Peter says he fears for our sanity. Is it sane to allow the mad bomber inside the White House again?
President Donald J. Trump in 2020 asked Mark T. Esper, his defense secretary, about the possibility of launching missiles into Mexico to “destroy the drug labs” and wipe out the cartels, maintaining that the United States’ involvement in a strike against its southern neighbor could be kept secret, Mr. Esper recounts in his upcoming memoir,” Maggie Haberman reported for The New York Times in May.
“When Mr. Esper raised various objections, Mr. Trump said that ‘we could just shoot some Patriot missiles and take out the labs, quietly,’ adding that “no one would know it was us.” Mr. Trump said he would just say that the United States had not conducted the strike, Mr. Esper recounts, writing that he would have thought it was a joke had he not been staring Mr. Trump in the face.”
Bomb Mexico. Perfectly sane.
10/5/22 6:41 PM | Comment Link
John Poole said...
14Bauer: Trump’s plan about striking the Mexican drug labs would never work. There are too many Americans determined to get their fix. They’d sabotage the missiles or chain themselves to the launch sites. Trump evidently does not use drugs- on the other hand Kamala would never sign on to destroying drug labs. She has fond memories of enjoying a blunt listening to Snoop Dog. Maybe some of the confiscated dope made its way to her crib while she was enforcing California’s drug laws.
10/6/22 2:11 PM | Comment Link