{"id":2982,"date":"2011-10-17T10:59:18","date_gmt":"2011-10-17T10:59:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wemeantwell.com\/blog\/?p=2982"},"modified":"2011-10-17T10:59:18","modified_gmt":"2011-10-17T10:59:18","slug":"occupy-baghdad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wemeantwell.com\/blog\/2011\/10\/17\/occupy-baghdad\/","title":{"rendered":"Occupy Baghdad"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I was wandering around the Seventh Floor of the State Department today looking for office supplies, when I overheard this conversation.
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Hillary:<\/strong> People, we need some new ideas. We’re taking a beating<\/a> on Iraq. First, the US military is pulling out at the end of the year, and we’ll be reduced to being Fort Apache<\/a> at the embassy. Our chosen main man in Iraq, Prime Minister Maliki, is acting more and more like just another dictator thug<\/a>. What can we do?<\/p>\n

Staff Aide:<\/strong> What about holding another election in Iraq? Every time things went south on Bush, he threw together another election there and got great press.<\/p>\n

Hillary:<\/strong> No, no, we ran out of purple ink and besides, Jimmy Carter can’t do any observations, some kind of back and neck problem.<\/p>\n

Staff Aide:<\/strong> Could Bill go instead?<\/p>\n

Hillary:<\/strong> Maybe, I’ll ask Chelsea to ask Bono to Tweet him later but to tell the truth, no purple ink means no nice photos of “democracy.”<\/p>\n

(laughter in the room when Hillary uses ‘air quotes” around “democracy”)<\/em>
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Staff Aide:<\/strong> I got it. We start telling the press that instead of having the World’s Largest Embassy in Baghdad (c), which is now seen less as a symbol of American power and more as a symbol of American excess and hubris, that all the people there are actually part of a new movement, Occupy Baghdad<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Hillary:<\/strong> I like, I like. Occupy Baghdad. Instead of being seen as a money sink, the last remnants of a dead Bush-era policy, our people in Baghdad will seem cool and hip. Right now the whole mess in Iraq for State seems like a vestigial tail, but by taking the Occupy Baghdad label, we move to cutting edge.<\/p>\n

Staff Aide:<\/strong> Yes Ma’am. Occupy Baghdad. But what will we say are our goals and objectives?<\/p>\n

Hillary:<\/strong> That’s the beauty. Occupy Wall Street has vague goals. Same for us. Like those hippies, we can claim our lack of leadership and unclear purpose is actually a good thing, instead of getting beaten up over them.<\/p>\n

Staff Aide: <\/strong>I see now. I’ll try and get Michael Moore on the phone for you, and check if he’d like us to book him a flight to Baghdad.<\/p>\n

Hillary:<\/strong> Make sure he travels coach. No business class. And no double per diem like the Congressionals get.<\/p>\n

Staff Aide:<\/strong> Yes Ma’am.<\/p>\n

Hillary:<\/strong> Great, innovative. Now, how about some NYPD?<\/p>\n

Staff Aide:<\/strong> Ma’am?<\/p>\n

Hillary: <\/strong>We’ve dropped some $5 billion on training the Iraqi cops<\/a>, but they are still useless. We’ll need to import NYPD to pepper spray some of our entry level officers in Baghdad to create controversy.<\/p>\n

Staff Aide:<\/strong> We could have the Sadr militia do it instead. They’d probably work for free.<\/p>\n

Hillary:<\/strong> Innovative again! Have Nides add this to his QDDR slides.<\/p>\n

Staff Aide:<\/strong> Anything else Madame Secretary?<\/p>\n

Hillary:<\/strong> Yeah, can you get me some more office supplies? One of those old Foreign Service guys I keep trying to get rid of keeps stealing all my yellow stickies.<\/p>\n



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